Nobody Makes Songs About 31

I turn 31 on Wednesday.

And you know what?  Nobody makes a big deal about 31.  On my ipod alone I have about 12 songs about being 17.  Steely Dan* has a song about 19.  They have custom balloons for 21.  You get to be “dirty” at 30.  40 is over the hill.  31?  You go see one of your favorite authors at a book signing.

Seriously that’s what I’m doing for my birthday.

And you know what? That’s ok.  Why? Cause I”m 31 and I do as I damn well please.  I told the girls give me the gift of the luxury of not having to do shit.  Do you know how exhausting birthday planning is, let alone birthday doing?   (I said that in my Bart Simpson “human going” voice).

So if there was a song about being 31, it would include things like:

  • way to pay back on your student loans
  • isn’t it exciting to go to bed at 10pm sometimes?!
  • oh I can’t really do dairy any more
  • sensible shoes
  • favorite brunch places
  • teenagers are stupid
  • mid-level designer clothes and sedans
  • not drinking tequila anymore
  • feeling ways about things
  • snooty standards

And it would be sung by some person you used to love in high school but they are now older than you and the song would be played in the grocery store and you’d be like “that’s my shit! wait is that the guy that sang that song from our senior year? dammit i’m getting old.”

 

 

 

 

*Do people under 30 know Steely Dan?  Click play.  You’re welcome.  And suddenly I understand why I love Mayer Hawthorne so much.

13 thoughts on “Nobody Makes Songs About 31

  1. I would say birthdays are all downhill after 30, but hey…you made it to another birthday. 🙂 I pretty much quit trying to plan things for my birthday after 30. I do plan to have tacos from this awesome taco joint this year though and I can't wait for all the birthday freebies to come in the mail, FREE LOTTERY TICKET!!! Ha!

    Happy Birthday!

    Also, I love Mayer Hawethorne too.

  2. I'm so torn this year. I feel like having friends means one should celebrate her birthday more, yet I am so accustomed to it being a me day that there are no plans in sight.

    In your honor, I've worked on a song for you, to the tune of Taylor Swift's "22."

    It feels like a perfect night
    to go to bed sober
    at 10 pm
    in my
    thousand thread count sheets…

    What do you think? Does that sound like 31 to you?

  3. Oh how I love this post! I turned 31 in July so I totally feel you! The best b-day present is just a day with no agenda or responsibilities! LOL Happy Birthday tomorrow! I hope you have a great day 🙂

  4. OMG…"that's my shit" made me lol for real. That was hilarious! I love this post, and I am totally in the same mind set with most of the things you listed about 31, but I still loooove birthdays. I throw myself parties and I force my friends to have birthday parties too. If I had known about your birthday earlier, I'd be planning a happy hour for you as I type this. You got off easy this year, but next year I am coming for you! 🙂

  5. Great post, Bre' Bre'. And even at 51 (and your mom), I can relate to everything you wrote. Plus it was super funny. And I guess I will take the blame for you knowing about Steely Dan since I have a couple of his CDs. How do I get to this Steely Dan playlist link you have embedded in your post? I'm so stoked right now!!!!

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