Kiwi Crate Fail

I’m sure you’ve seen things about monthly subscriptions on the Internet.  A lot of women get them for makeup or nail polish or wine (I assume there is a wine one) or whatever.  You pay around $20/month and you get a box of sample things to then Instagram or blog about and then your friends sign up and you keep buying things from the people you found out about in the box.

Anyway, they have this deal for kids.  It’s called a Kiwi Crate and they send you a box of crafts to do with your kid for the month.  It’s themed or whatever I don’t really know the deal except some of the Bumpies get them and they were like “hey get a free trial box” and okay because why not.

Well we got the box.

Nothing against the Kiwi Crate folks, but I don’t think we were ready.

First of all there were A LOT of instructions in the box.  Which normally would be okay if you didn’t have  toddler that insisted she could just do all the things on her own.  Fine.

So I was like “well let me see what we’re supposed to do” and I found all the pieces and we were going to glue some window clings for winter.  Ok let’s.

Except that it mostly is glue on a sheet of plastic.

In 3rd grade or 4th grade I sat next to a kid that would just pour glue on their hand and let it dry and then peel it off.  Elmer’s glue basically disgusting to me because of it.   So a glue-based project was not looking good.

Plus this craft also required the skill to trace.

I do not posses that skill.  Especially when coupled with 3D paint.  I can’t cut a straight line.  I can’t draw a pretty circle.

So we’re supposed to trace the outlines in the 3D paint and then fill it in with white glue and let it dry.  The smell alone made me gag.  Yay olfactory cortex.

Addy knows how to squeeze glue so she just started to do it on her own.  While watching Jake and the Neverland Pirates which resulted in a mess.  So I turned the TV off.

Then I pulled out this one cling that is a “snowflake” but mostly looks like the anus flag from Community.  If you don’t watch Community then shame on you, but here’s what I mean  (as far as looks and also you just need to watch Community)

(source:  Community Wiki)

So we glued up some stuff and I let it sit to the side to try to let them dry.  And I go “look Addy they sent you one that’s already made go put it on the window.”

Then she thought ALL of them were really already made and she ripped the last trace thing to shreds and when she saw it was just paper then she went back to the painting.

WRONG.

Again, this is not Kiwi Crate’s fault just two impatient women trying to do arts and crafts.

And the results.

So yeah.  I’m gonna give it a break and save the next craft for dire straits like a power outage or something.  BUT if you want to see how Kiwi Crate is done right, Becca knows what she’s doing and her children are adorable.