Kids are little jerks.
This is really where I want to end this blog post, but I specifically took a picture so here.
Now I can end it.
I try to remember that children are people and have feelings and bad days and a limited vocabulary and all that. I think this is new aged parenting, along with seatbelts in the back seats of cars, and not putting whiskey on teething gums. But just like adults are big jerks, kids can be little jerks.
We are now into this stage of instant tears. Any wrong move on our part is met with instant fits or protest. My current Facebook status is that I wish cars ran off of the defiance of toddlers. I could have driven to El Paso on todays screams alone.
Our main offense as parents is the need to turn on the light in the morning to do things. Not in that cruel way parents do to teenagers to jolt them awake. Just the regular, ‘I need to see to do shit’ type lights in the living room. ‘I don’t want to call in sick to work because I impaled my foot on a lego and have rendered myself useless for today’ wattage. ‘I can barely see with glasses on, don’t send me out into the dark living room’ mood lighting.
Instant fit. “I DON’T WANT THE LIGHT ON IT’S DARK OUTSIDE. NO LIGHT”. The not so tiny voice yells. I’m sleepier than you are kid! I stayed up doing grown up things like blogging and reading books.
Oh and forget about picking out jammies. FORGET ABOUT THE JAMMIES*. Every single combination of pajamas is wrong. Do you see the picture I posted. Cheetah print pants and a cherry night gown. Because how could I know that was what she wanted to sleep in.
*Please note that was to be read in James Franco’s voice when he says “forget about the backdoor” in Date Night. I spent waaaay too long looking at James Franco gifs on Tumblr and then I forgot what I was looking for and then somehow never managed to find the one with this quote
Two minutes before any show or movie is over she’s already begging to watch it again. AGAIN! AGAIN I DON’T WANT TO WATCH FOOTBALL!
Seven times a day I have to say “listen to what I’m telling you” and she doesn’t but the second I say “what the hell” she repeats that with perfect clarity. So you heard that but you didn’t hear me say stop standing on the Ottoman? It’s disrespectful to their empire.
I suppose in ten years when we are swiftly approaching Addy’s thirteenth birthday and I sit down for hologram chat blogging or whatever the future holds, I can pull out the scrolls of this post and think “oh 3 year old fits were easy peasy compared to this tween stuff” and crylaugh into my jug of wine.
Here you go future Bre. Enjoy some James Franco. And more wine.
Oh what the hell. Have another.
Ahhhh James Franco <3
I don't have much to say regarding the fits, other than I'm glad I don't have kids yet! 🙂 Good luck!
yes James Franco!
The way you are so subtley funny gets me every time!
Hologram chat blogging, because of course. But will we still need jugs of wine in ten years or will they find a way for me to just imagine wine and get a buzz from that? Because not having to go to the store or get off the couch for a second glass would be fantastic.
i suspect the jugs will still be necessary. maybe just you can pay for them to refill themselves? or the robots will refill them for you. i hope.
Oh my goodness this made me laugh. We have the light battle every morning too. It’s epic.
i know this will phase will be over eventually but goodness it\’s rough!
Omg, I feel your pain. Last night, my toddler got mad at the cat because he wouldn't march with her during "The Ants Go Marching." Then she was mad at the dog because he wouldn't color with her.
LMAO. they are so ridiculous with their demands aren\’t they.
Let me leave this one alone, lol.
I thoroughly appreciated the extra James Franco. Thanks Bre!
I've always heard that toddlers are even harder than babies. I could totally see how that's true! I'm also sure that teens are terrible (I know from experience because I was a terrible teen). BUT I can tell you as the probably-future-stepmother-of-a-seven-year-old that it gets better. The meltdowns rarely occur these days and he entertains himself with hardly a complaint. It's amazing. I will be crossing my fingers for you that Miss Addy grows out of her defiance soon! I know it must be really hard but sometimes you just have to laugh at the ridiculous things they say, right??